Self Care for Mom: The Gift that Keeps on Giving!

In my practice I work with a lot of women, and many of them are Moms or will soon be Moms. Whether or not this is currently your situation, giving yourself the space and permission to care for yourself is important. There are so many women out there who are running themselves into the ground from exhaustion trying to be ‘superhuman’ or ‘super mom’. Is it any wonder that there are so many Canadians complaining of exhaustion, stress and burn out?

When women were surveyed about stress related to work these were the results:
Women were more likely than men to report work stress — 28 per cent said they had high-strain positions and 17 per cent said they had low-strain jobs, while 20 per cent of men reported high-strain jobs and 24 per cent said they had low-strain positions. (CBC News, 2007).
One-third of women surveyed said they were a bit or extremely stressed most days at work — versus 29 per cent of men (CBC News, 2007).

That’s not even including their potential sources of stress outside of work. Ask yourself or just try to imagine it: running a busy household with two or more kids, a husband/partner, and then your work demands on top of that. Is anyone else feel exhausted yet? I know I am and I don’t have a family of my own to care for yet! So why do so many women feel that they have to do it all? That nothing will get done if they don’t do it. That if they take a moment for themselves, they’re being selfish or self-indulgent.

I am here to suggest another way of looking at self care for you super powered women. Instead of seeing it as ‘it’s all about me’ time, think of it as a necessary task that deserves time and space on your to-do list in order for you to better care for your family. Take a moment and think about that for a second. I know, it seems strange to think of ‘me time’ or self care time as caring for your loved ones, but it’s true. If you are completely exhausted, no energy, nothing left to give of yourself, what kind of ‘care’ could you possibly be providing for your family?

I have these women come into my office with all manner of concerns: anxiety, depression, chronic stress, low energy, fatigue you name it. I can guarantee you all of them have been giving and giving of themselves with absolutely no effort or time being put aside for their own self healing and care. They’re giving everything they have to their various jobs: Mom, working woman, maid, cook, chaufeur, professional hugger, bedtime storyteller, the list goes on!

Then I ask them what’s the quality of that interaction? Do you have the time and space to be patient with your kids when they are attempting to drive you insane? What’s your relationship with your husband/partner like? If this at all describes you, you know what the answers are already. You lose your temper easily, when you don’t mean to. You love your kids, but you are at the point where you do what you do for them begrudgingly. What relationship with my husband? I’m lucky if I see him, forget spending anything that resembles quality time with him.

This is where I talk to them about self care. If you start to see this as a very necessary part of your day, your family will benefit from you taking care of yourself as much as you will. So in the spirit of Mother’s Day, even though it has already passed I challenge you to take a little you time. This doesn’t have to be anything monumental, it can be a bubble bath alone with a good book and glass of wine, or sleeping in while Dad or older siblings take care of everything downstairs for a little while. Whatever it is, do something you enjoy and rejuvenates you. You will not only feel so much better yourself, but your family will feel the difference in the present and giving mother you can be when you giving from a full cup instead of attempting to dredge up something from a long empty well.

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References:
CBC News: Technology & Science. (2007). Work stress leads to increased absenteeism, disability: StatsCan. Retreived May 27, 2017: http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/work-stress-leads-to-increased-absenteeism-disability-statscan-1.636782